Old, Fat, Slow, and Out of Shape

Rest, rest, and more rest

2007-03-26T19:25:00.000-07:00

It turns out that sometimes you just have to. I took some time to analyze my stellar SDSR weekend and actually do some minor research on cycling. Up till now, I practiced the Eddy Mercx school of training: "Ride lots." ... with "lots" being a realtive term. I suppose it is more accuately "lots given available time after working and taking care of family responsibilities." Just like Eddy did with Axel, I'm sure.

Anyhow, I digress. My curiosity got the best of me and I did some reading. In my searching, I came across a couple articles on overtraining. Could that be my problem? Always tired and lethargic? Check. Trouble sleeping? Check. Feeling of no power? Check. Poor recovery? Check.

It turns out that even though I wasn't riding Mercxesque hours, I was overdoing it a bit on intensity. Between not having actually "trained" for the last eight years and not being 24 anymore, my body revolted against the workload. So, I took last week VERY easy. Only 4 days on the bike, no rides longer than two hours, and minimal intensity. We'll see how the body responds. I'm sleeping well, no longer lethargic, and itching to ride. Hopefully the rain holds off so I can hit the road tomorrow after work. I love daylight savings.

The great big SDSR Turd

2007-03-19T18:57:00.000-07:00

Well, that sure was craptastic.

I was looking forward to San Dimas. I had it targeted on my calendar. I thought I had prepared well for it. Usually, I can climb. I sucked.

Let's start with the time trial. The week before, my team went up for a little recon on the hill. I posted a time of 14:15 from the gate to the finish. Add a mintue to that for the stretch from the start to the gate, and I could have conceivably finished with a time right around 15 minutes. That would have put me in a solid top 20 spot heading into a road race made for riders like me.

On race day, I got a good warm up - not that it was too difficult given the 90 degree weather that greeted us as start time neared. I got to the line a minute or so prior to my start time ready to go. When I got the word to ride, I took off fast. Maybe a bit too fast. Halfway up the climb, right after catching my 30 second guy, I could feel my legs and lungs start to complain. Not long after, the nuclear bomb exploded. Women and children ran. DEFCON 4 was reached. Threat level orange. Bicycle speed decreased. Severely. I struggled up the climb for a finish of 16:24. Bleh. The email from our team's sponsor that asked "What happened to you today?" didn't help to ease the pain.

So, after the stellar performance Friday, all we had left to do was go for stage wins in the road race and crit. I hooked up with Mark before the race and discussed possible taking a go of it and trying to turn the race into something other than a 80 man field sprint. It was a great idea. Would have worked too, if my legs weren't heavier than they were the day before. The race hurt way more than it should have. I led out our guy for the green jersey in the first hot spot, and it took me the entire lap to recover after. I sat in for a couple laps, and then tried to pull our KOM hope up the climb to get some points. That effor did me in. I sucked wind the rest of the race until the final climb, when A-bomb #2 for the weekend hit. I rolled in a minute after the leaders.

Sunday was more of the same. Legs felt great at the start - at least better than they rightly should have given the performance of the prior two days. Then, in the first points sprint of the day, some guy clips a pedal and takes me down with him. I came down awkward on my shoulder, which was sore the rest of the race. After getting pushed back in, it was hard to get out of the saddle. That relegated me to just riding around in circles for the rest of the day. At least we had Tommy roll home second to a way-too-fast-for-a-seventeen-year-old Justin Williams. So the weekend wasn't a total waste for the team. Just for me.

Thus, I came home, took a huge dump, named it SDSR, flushed it, and started to get ready for Indio in 2 weeks. So much for this weekend.

Sometimes the stars don't align

2007-03-05T20:56:00.000-08:00

My employer has now blocked blogger.com, which makes my posting a much more difficult thing. When I was bored at work, it was easy to post. When I get home, the last thing I want to do is stare at a computer screen some more. Anyhow, Sunday was crit day.

I thought that a crit with only 65 guys and all the big names up in Merced would be easy. Turns out I was wrong. With only 65 guys, there's no place to hide when you need a rest. Did the 100k CBR crit in Dominquez Hills. 69 laps. 276 corners. I was solo this weekend with the rest of my team up in Merced, as I couldn't get the hall pass from the wife. For the first half of the race, I Bettini'd it - just sat in the back and rested. A sizable break went and got almost 30 seconds on us, but we eventually reeled them back in.

Once they came back, I knew the attacks would come fast and furious, so I made my way to the front. And come they did. I went with a couple of them, only to have them promptly reeled back. As soon as any attack was brought back, a counter would go. After one of the weak moves I was in was pulled back, a group of ten with Ben Brooks of the Navigators rolled off the front, never to be seen again - that is, until they came around and lapped us.

Chase groups formed and were again routinely brought back. Eventually a group of eight that did not include me - again - got a good gap and also lapped us. That made a total of eighteen riders a lap up on the rest of the field, which was quickly dwindling from attrition. Seeing as paid places only went 10 deep and there were not enough laps left to get another group around (as if anyone would let it once the 18 reintegrated), I decided to just go for any preems that came up.

In the first 25 laps of the race, we must have had 5 preems. In the last 25 laps - when that was all that was left for me - there was one. And now I am the proud owner of a tub of Clif Shot recovery drink. Two and a half hours of crit racing and I come home with recovery drink. Poetic justic, I suppose.

This weekend is off for us, and the San Dimas Stage Race is the weekend after. I can't wait for that one - climbing and a day off work to race. Double bonus for me!

Fast!

2007-02-25T21:51:00.001-08:00

Yeah, it's been a while. Between work and life, the old, fat, and slow blog has taken back stage. Such is life.

Anyhow, today was the Long Beach Circuit Race, which finished prior to the real pro's racing the last stage of the Tour of California. In my time on the bike, I've been in a lot of bike races - this was one of the fastest. We went fast from the gun and only slowed down when we were neutralized so we didn't catch the 3s on their finish.

A couple stupid crashes nonwithstanding, it was a pretty quiet race. Attacks here and there, weak attempts to block (us included) here and there, and a field sprint at the finish. The sprint was a bit out of control, but nobody crashed. I butted my way into the Successful Living train coming out of the last corner, only to see trains come up either side of us, and push us back. I incorrectly though being in the middle of 6 guys paid to ride would prevent such events. Oh well.

Then all heck broke loose. First, a flat along the left side pushed the group to the right. Then a broken spoke to the left pushed us even further right. I saw an opening right past broken spoke guy and jumped into it. So did a 5 star fish rider and a Successful Living rider, however. Being half a wheel ahead of me, they cut over to the left, forcing me to do the same. I grazed the bars of a guy who had sat up (who had words for me after - listen, dude, if it weren't for me punching it, we would have hit bar to bar at 35 and both would have gone down, so chill - don't sit up in a sprint) and found a teammate in full sprint. Sitting on his wheel pulled me up into the top 20. Unfortunatley, they paid only to 15th. So, after 90 minutes and 42 miles, I came away with nothing but a fast day in the saddle.

When it was all said and done, Emile Abraham from Priority Health won, after unsuccessfully trying to crash about half the field.

Such is local bike racing. On to next week!

Just cause I haven't in a while

2007-02-10T15:56:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted a ride from my trusty Garmin in a while, so here's today's ride. Wasn't wearing the HR strap, so that data is missing. Enjoy.

Anna Nicole

2007-02-08T22:06:00.000-08:00

So, Anna Nicole Smith died. Honestly, I don't know why I'm even posting about it. I don't know why anyone even cares. I guess it's a commentary on our society that it's a big deal when someone like this (insert your own opinion) dies.

What did she do in life? Well, she posed for Playboy. She was the poster-child for gold digging by marrying and 80-something billionaire in her twenties. She starred in a reality show. She was high/drunk/trashed/etc. on TV many times. And for this, she was famous and rich. I guess my point (if any) is: next time you see a cop, firefighter, or teacher, think of their annual income versus someone like Anna Nicole, and then thank them for what they do.

"Wanna do it? Good luck, man."

2007-02-04T20:42:00.001-08:00

I don't think I'd mess with Laraque. Check out how he invites the fight... about 45 seconds into the vid.

Woo hoo!

2007-02-04T11:25:00.000-08:00

Finally, after 9 years of getting fat... a result! Rolled home with a nice 3rd place finish yesterday.

After starting the race riding slower than I can ever remember racing (nobody wanted to work in the brutal wind), I finally found myself in a five man break that managed to stay off for the third of three laps. Thanks to some great work by a teammate disrupting chases, interferring in pace lines, and being a general nuisance to the main field, we in the break were set for the final climb to the finish.

At this point, I was pretty cooked. I had initiated the break and was solo for a good half lap before I caught the one guy up the road and was joined by a couple guys who had bridged. At the base of the climb, we managed to shed one of our companions, while watching another ride away from the group. Nobody was willing to chase the guy riding away. He won.

That left three of us battling it out for second. To make a long story short, I beat one guy and one beat me in the sprint for second. Not a bad day overall, and a nice result to begin the year.

Before I go, one man's opinion of Sven Nijs:

Two down, many to go

2007-01-29T18:55:00.000-08:00

Goddamn Americans. Don't get me wrong here - I'm no commie/terrorist/pinko/whatever. I love America, was born here, live here, and until recently had never left the friendly shores of the red, white, and blue. I'm referring strictly to American Crit Trash (ACT).

If America weren't such a cycling ignorant nation (referring to the non-racers, etc., of course) we'd have more road races. This would mean more climbs, which would benefit little guys like me. Unfortunately, we can only get 9/10 of a mile of a weekend deserted industrial park closed for our races. Perfect for ACT. Thus, most races end up being:

right turn * 4 * (n)laps + sprint = win

Great if you weigh 185 lbs. Not great if you weigh 135 lbs.

So, for a reader's digest version of the events: Race 1 - 10th wheel going into corner 2 on the last lap. Crash in front of me. After locking up the back wheel and sliding through the corner to avoid said crash and sprinting to catch on to the group that made it through unscathed, I had nothing left and coast through for a 17th place finish.

Race 2 - Launched a couple teammates off for primes. Good. Came through the last corner 5th or 6th wheel. Good. Got passed by many in the sprint. Bad. Rolled across the line 17th. Bad.

So, to sum it all up: Two races, two 17th place finishes, no success. Screw you, ACT sprinters. Let's see how you do this weekend in the hills.

Pain

2007-01-23T21:49:00.000-08:00

Well, I had to take today off to recover from my first cycling "injury" in 10 years. I put injury in quotes because it's really more of an annoyance than anything else. I got a bit of tendonitis on the inside of my left ankle. I first noticed it Saturday and rode through it Sunday, seeing as how Monday is my usual day off the bike. I was hoping to wake up Tuesday morning to a pain free ankle.

Unfortunately, that was not the case. So, after mentally wrestling with myself when I should have been working today I decided to take the day off the bike. I realize one day doesn't make or break a season, but with my OCD tendencies towards the bike it is hard to convince myself of that. Let's just hope that it feels better tomorrow... when I'll do twice as long to make up for the missed day. OCD be damned.

Cold! and windy!

2007-01-21T17:46:00.001-08:00

Dammit. Allow me to bitch and whine for a bit. Now, not only is it cold, but it's windy too. It was 36 when I left my house for Como this morning. By the time we hit the descent on Dump, it had to be blowing at leas 25 mph. I pulled off the wrong side when trying to get off the front of the group, and had to sprint to catch back on... downhill! Anyhow, I would have had a decent finish in the sprint to the end if some jackasses hadn't sat up right in front of me. I hope they were paid well to block, 'cause they couldn't have done a better job. Jackasses.

Anyhow, one week till the first race day in 9 years. I'm looking forward to it. Expectations are mixed. I feel fairly strong, but it might take a couple weeks to remember where to be when in these things called crits. When the road races come around, I'll really feel like a racer again.

We'll miss ya, BP

2007-01-16T15:59:00.000-08:00

Having grown up in a family that loved racing of any kind, there was always plenty of NASCAR on the tube each Sunday. Today, NASCAR lost one of its heroes. Benny Parsons was a great driver, a tremendous announcer, and most importantly, by all accounts an even better human being.

Back! And cold!

2007-01-14T06:50:00.001-08:00

Ahh... back to reality! After a week in Mexico and a week in the mountains, it's time to return to real life. I'm not looking forward to work, but I am looking forward to a real bike again. Vacations are cool, but hotel stationary trainers are not.

Anyhow, now that I'm home, the weather has suddenly started to suck. Really. The alarm went off this morning and as I was eating my bagel, I thought I'd check the weather. Weather.com tells me that it's 24 degrees outside... and it feels like 16 because of some wind. I live in California, dammit! Why is it below freezing?!? So, because I'm a giant wuss and hate the cold, I'll be skipping the group ride today and heading out on my own once it warms up a bit.

T-minus two weeks until the first race in nine years.

Finally, you may have seen this before, but it still amazes me when I see it.

Simi Ride

2006-12-26T21:56:00.000-08:00

Went out and did the Simi ride this weekend. First off, gotta thank the wife for the hall pass to spend the day driving up there and riding. Good chance to tese the legs against the local big boys. It was also fun to get out and do a ride that I did on a regular basis back when I was fast. Some of the same fast guys are still there, and some are new.

As far as how that went: Just call me Second Group Sally. Second group up Norweigian, second group through the valley, and second group up Seven Minute. Sally's gonna have to get her legs under her before March hits. Second group ain't gonna cut it.

Legs were a bit heavy Sunday, but not as bad as expected. I still got a good three hours in, with very little bitching to the family when I got home about having to walk up and down stairs repeatedly. I expected that there would be much more bitching. Maybe things are starting to come around. They better be... only five weeks till the first race in ten years.

An open letter to T.O.

2006-12-26T20:13:00.000-08:00

Dear Terrell,

Please catch the ball. In the words of your publicist, you have 25 million reasons to.

Sincererly,
Cowboy fans

Race weight

2006-12-21T20:59:00.000-08:00

Well, let me spell it out to you in table format for easy reading:

	Weight	Uphill speed
December 1997	135	fast
December 2005	155	N/A
December 2006	135	almost as fast

As you can plainly see, the weight is now what it should be at... the fitness isn't there yet, but I'm feeling kinda fit for the first time since the pseudo-retirement. (You acutally have to have done something to "retire." I did something in my own imagination, thus I retired in my own imagination.)

Nonetheless, it's nice to look in the mirror and not think "You friggin' fat ass." My wife thinks I'm nuts for weighing myself twice a day these days. She never knew me when I raced, and never knew any racers. She's quickly learning that we, especially us climbers, are second only to supermodels when it comes to obsession with weight (see also: Rasmussen, Michael).

We'll see if all this work pays off in a couple months when the first race rolls around. The good ol' USCF downgraded me to a 3 of all things, so we'll see how much of a has been I really am. I can tell you this much: That new bike was a waste if I don't at least earn my entry fees back in these damn cat 3 races, assuming the 17 year old "I'm gonna be pro" doesn't crash me.

Yesterday's video I spoke of

2006-12-21T20:56:00.001-08:00

Here's the Wellens video... Watch about one minute in. In the words of Jim Ross, "OH MY GOD!! Is that Bart Wellens' music?!?!?"

Torn

2006-12-19T20:12:00.000-08:00

Well, it looks like Astana will be getting a license, while Genevieve says she's never racing again. The question is do we really care anymore? In fact, the first three stories in today's update on CN were somehow related to doping. I'm beginning to think I enjoyed following pro cycling more before Festina - when we all just closed our eyes to the doping issue. Kind of like the rest of the country still does with football... or basketball. Tell me that a few extra pounds or a couple more inches on your vertical leap wouldn't be worth a few million a year in extra salary. Why is nobody talking about this? Anyhow, the Chargers Shawn Merriman just got busted for 'roids, served his four game slap on the wrist, and nobody bats an eyelash when he comes back. Crazy.

Anyhow, it was Antarctica cold today in SoCal. It was 36 when I hit the road today. Dammit, I live here to avoid that kind of crap. I had to put on arm warmers and everything. Fortunately, weather.com tells me that by the weekend it should be back to the 70s and I can again cast aside the cold weather clothing. A white Christmas can kiss my ass.

And finally, check out Bart Wellens about a minute into this clip. Shawn Michaels would be proud of the sweet chin music.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EoDQEWZ5FgM

(Sorry... YouTube wouldn't let me post the vid for some reason today)

Mad Skills

2006-12-17T18:39:00.001-08:00

I'm no mountain biker... but I know mad skills when I see them.


Thanks to Doucheblog Cycling for this find.

Rest days

2006-12-11T18:02:00.000-08:00

During phase one of my racing career when I was younger and I had few responsibilities and few bills, I loved rest days. I'd sleep till I woke up (read: no damn alarm). Then, I'd wake up and have a nice sized breakfast (read: 2 bowls of Oh's! or Frosted Mini Wheats). Next, if I was still in college, it was off to class... maybe. If I wasn't in school, I'd hit up the video game system du-jour of the time for some Madden. Finally, when the evening rolled around, I'd round up some like minded individuals for a night of debauchery.

Now a rest day consists of getting up to an alarm, tossing back a cup of coffee too fast to enjoy, and eating breakfast in the form of a granola bar on the way to work. If I'm lucky, I might get an english muffin in the toaster before I leave. That happens rarely. Then it's a typical day of work. Since it's a "rest day," that usually ends with me staying late to either catch up (usually) or get ahead (ha!) because I'm not riding that night and I know I'll cut out as early as possible the rest of the week to ride. Finally, when I get home, it's doing the work around the house I blow off the rest of the week because I'm either riding or tired from riding. Not much of a rest, if you ask me.

One thing, however, didn't change from my racing life 10 years ago: I am again scheduling as much as possible in my life around my bike. I don't think the wife is a huge fan of that. And I still bitch about things when they interfere with my riding. I'm almost positive she doesn't like that.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go bitch to the wife about the valuable pre season training I'm going to miss on our vacation in a couple weeks.

Christmas came early!

2006-12-10T20:10:00.000-08:00

Thanks to the wifey, I got me a new toy. I couldn't convince her to spring for a PowerTap, so this was the next best thing. Plus, I love that it tells me how many feet I climb on a ride. Here is my first ride with it. Now if I only knew what to do with the data.

I'd show you today's ride too... but the trainer while it was raining outside just isn't as interesting.

As an aside, Romo didn't look quite as hot tonight. Let's hope it was a one game abberation. He's still 100 times better than Interception Drew.

Hill Repeats

2006-12-04T21:28:00.000-08:00

Well, I'll be damned.

It's been a good ten years since I did any sort of hill repeats. Let me tell you - in ten year's time nothing has changed. Hill repeats still suck. They hurt. They last longer than they should. They are not fun. They make you fast.

The last part (pain), is of course, why we do them. Which brings me to my next point. Why do we do this? Cycling is not a fun sport. Object: Hurt more than the guy next to you. We strive to be in more pain than the guy next to us. At any particular competitive level, we're all within a few percent of each other, fitness wise. Thus, if you can hurt more than the other guy, you got a good shot at winning. The more you hurt yourself in training, the better you race. Most of us would qualify as OCD.

That being said, I'd go into business with most cyclists. I know they'd give their all to make any buisness venture work. If you have the work ethic to successfully race a bicycle, you can make a business work. There's no difference. Learn what techniques work best and put those into action. The only difference is business does not take a genetic advantage to succeed at an elite level.

Bill Gates - get your ass on a bike and lets see how you do.

Damn

2006-11-27T16:17:00.000-08:00

http://www.cyclingnews.com/news.php?id=news/2006/nov06/nov26news2

Be sure to kiss your loved ones before your next ride or race.

Tinkov

2006-11-22T15:03:00.000-08:00

I don't know what to think of this dude, except that he has giant gonads. His marketing strategy is either insanely brilliant or insanely stupid. Either way, it's insane. By signing riders such as Danilo Hondo and Tyler Hamilton, he certainly has generated buzz and interest in his team, and thus his brand. However, is this attention the kind he wants? It's a fallacy to say that all publicity is good publicity. And when the next Puerto-style witch hunt hits cycling, I'm sure his team will be public enemy number one, given past history. Not lining up for the start of races does not make for good sponsor visibility. But then again, who the hell am I to say? I'm not the guy who became a self made multi-millionaire out of Siberia. One thing is for sure: the soap opera that is European cycling is sure to continue thanks to Oleg.

Closet Romosexual

2006-11-19T15:50:00.000-08:00

It's been a tough ten years for us Cowboy fans since Aikman retired. We've had to deal with coke head Quincy, old man Vinny, Baseball Drew, and couple other guys worse that these three (including Drew "Throw it to the Defense" Bledsoe). Finally, we have a QB that makes good decisions and can move. That combined with the best 'boys defense in a few years bodes well for the rest of this season and next. I just hope that Jerry Jones' woody for Bledsoe is finally starting to wane so we can get rid of him and use that contract $$ on a couple more guys for the o-line. Get a couple quality linemen to block for Julius and Romo, and we're good to go.

I'm back, bitches!

2006-11-17T14:33:00.000-08:00

Yeah, it's been a long, long time, and I shouldn't have left you without a dope beat to step to... but I did. Well, a few months later, some collecting the gub'ment cheese, and now with a new gig to pay the bills, I'm back. I'll tell you what, tho - being unemployed makes for a great cyclist. I got more miles in during those two and a half unemployed months than I did the rest of the year combined. Needless to say, the rest of the year combined sucked.

Now, however, big poppa gots himself a job, a new bike, and a new attitude. I've kept up the miles since the new job kicked in, and I'm ready to make fools out of those fools that I made fools of years ago on the bike. Those dudes that made a fool of me probably still will. But what the hell. A day at the races is better than a day at work anytime.

So watch out, bitches. The fat man is back in the building.

The Amazing Race

2006-03-27T18:25:00.000-08:00

I'm down for pretty much any kind of racing. If the goal is to be first across the line, I'll probably enjoy doing/watching it. Thus, I watch the Amazing Race. Sometimes the challenges are cool, sometime they are lame - but it's always decent entertainment. The show follow a predictibable forumla these days. They always start with the same teams: The Gay Guys, The Old Folks, The Hot Chicks, The Frat Boys, The Black Folks, The Nerdy Couple, They Dating Couple, The Recently Broke Up Couple, The AssHole Husband with Passive Agressive Wife, and a couple wildcard teams. Not surprisingly, these teams usually make pretty good reality TV. One of the wildcard teams this year is The Hippies. I like those dudes, and I want them to win. Watch it. Tuesdays at 10.

Hotels

2006-03-20T20:13:00.000-08:00

You know the problem with hotels and not being at home? The crappy food. I swear. I didn't any more often than when I was at home, and I hit the weak ass workout room a few times while I was gone. And I still put on a couple pounds. I tried to eat as good as possible, but when you're at a convention center and your choices are a sausage biscuit and some fatty muffin, you're screwed. Oh well. At least I had the pleasure of 2 hours on the trainer tonight.

Two things that suck

2006-03-12T19:01:00.000-08:00

1. Rain
I'm sick of it. I had the weekend off work, and I spent it riding the trainer in the garage. Not my idea of fun.

2. Travel
I'm out of town this next week (again!) and will have to deal with the Sheraton's ghetto workout room. Weak.

Tour of California

2006-02-27T09:37:00.000-08:00

I always thought attending a big time bike race would be cool. I was wrong. It was fucking cool. I've been to lots of sporting events in my day. None were as cool as this damn race.

The day started early. I hooked up with a buddy at 8, we tossed our bikes in the back of the car, and hit up the store for a 12er of Silver Bullets (yes, we walked out of the store with two cups of coffee, a bag of ice, and a dozen beers at 8 am. Good times). We hit the base of the Balcolm Canyon climb at 8:30 or so and loaded up the backpacks with beer and water. It turns out climbing a hill that is tough with no extra weight is really tough with 15 extra pounds of liquid moving around on your back. Still, being cyclists and all, we tried to drop each other up the climb. For once, I did the dropping. woot.

The race was coming up the other side of the climb, so we didn't see the crowd until the top. At 9 am, three hours before the race was to come through, it was already crazy. Hundreds of people on the hill. Some in the chamois, some dressed like the grim reaper. We found a place about 200m from the KOM and set up shop.

We saw we had a problem right away. Where the hell were we gonna pee? The mountain was lined with people and there were no trees in sight. This briefly put off our beer drinking. However, in true Euro fashion, we soon said "Screw it. We'll find a place when we need it," and cracked open the first bullet.

The time passed quickly chatting with the other race fans, pointing and laughing at the freds, and trying to find someone with a blackberry that could get reception to give us updates on the race. First highlight of the day: The dude that was rolling up the hills with his shorts ripped to shreds and a nice patch of road rash extending from ass cheek to knee, along with matching patches on his arm and calf. Nice one, buddy.

Right around noon, the cars with lights flashing started coming up the hill. At this time, you could literally feel the energy of the crowd pick up. When we saw the first rider come around the corner at the bottom of the climb, everyone got real quiet, trying to figure out who it was. Given the light blue, we though it was a Gerolsteiner rider (it was), and therefore had to be Levi (it wasn't). As he came up the hill, the sound rose, excitement mounted, and we slowly crept toward the middle of the road.

It turned out to be Sebastian Lang coming up the hill alone. Now I've done that hill many times in my day and consider myself an above average climber, compared to the other racers here in SoCal. I've never seen someone come up that hill with that kind of speed. The crowds noise crescendoed as Lang passed by and we all looked back down the hill, straining to see the next rider.

The next rider turned out to be the peloton, which had stayed together at this point. As they rode up the climb, it started to break up a little bit, as the front of the bunch turned up the heat a bit. You could see the pain on some of the riders' faces as the rode by us. And when I say rode by us, I mean right by us. We could feel the breeze of the riders as they went by. I was surprised that someone didn't knock one of them over as they came up the hill. I was especially glad I didn't knock anyone over - I'm not a huge fan of looking like a total jackass on national TV. I do that enough in my private life. I don't need ESPN broadcasting it.

Soon thereafter, the last rider went through. As quickly as it started with Lang appearing at the base of the climb, it was over. And let me tell you - the three hours plus of waiting was worth every minute. I'll be staking out a place by a KOM for next year's tour as well. Good job Amgen and AEG on the organization of this race. Awesome.

Christ

2006-02-23T21:39:00.000-08:00

See, I've had this trainer like 3 months. And I already need to warranty it. And stupid Cycle-ops customer service is closed till Monday, the bastards. To top it all off, I can't ride on the road unless I want to do it in the dark during the week. And the cycling gal doesn't like that. So screw you Cycleops and your customer service for ruining my week. Bastards.

Goddamn

2006-02-17T17:34:00.000-08:00

It's been a while. But you know why? That's right, I've been riding. I've been riding my damn bicycle. Bitches. All you old fatties watch out, I'm comin' to getcha.

Tour of CA

2006-02-17T17:33:00.000-08:00

Ok, then... who's gonna take the Tour of California? Levi? Bobby? Horner? Some spandex-wearn', leg-shavin', France-lovin', Euro hippie? My money is on Bobby. Bjarne seems to want him to peak this time of year and save his big guns for later in the season. Floyd and Levi are looking to the Tour as well. Horner might give it a go, but I'm guessing he's more interested in winning races in Yerrup. He's done about all there is to do this side of the pond. He's got nothing to prove here and everything to prove there. So Bobby it will be.

The stages look awesome. I'm checking out the second to last stage in the hills by Somis. The race will probably be pretty broken up by the time it gets to me, but I'm still looking forward to some serious power up the hills I ride.

Even fatter

2006-01-17T11:00:00.000-08:00

Hola amigos. I know it's been a while since I rapped at ya, but I've been out of town. Again. It's this whole stupid job thing. You know, I could really do without one of those. They really do suck and cut into my cycling and video game time. I need to be independently wealthy. Anyone want to fund me? If you think about it, it's a good proposition. I'll advertise your company on this blog (it has the ability to reach worldwide!) and I'll ride with your company's logo plasterd all over my jersey, shorts, etc (also the ability to reach worldwide, but less likely). So that is TWO WAYS YOUR COMPANY CAN REACH THE ENTIRE WORLD! No matter what your demographic is, these two ways will hit it. Sounds good, eh? Seriously, you should think about it.

Anyhow, on this last trip, I put on two pounds thanks to no riding and restaurant food. That's the worst part of going out of town is the crappy food. Sure it tasted good, but now I gotta drop those pounds to keep flying up those hills. I don't wanna be dropped anymore often than I'm already am. But I do enjoy sampling the beers of the world. Excellent beer around the world. Come to think of it, that's probably where my extra pounds came from. So I guess it's not all bad.

so, um... yeah. Fat.

2006-01-03T16:12:00.000-08:00

Damn.

It used to be easy to contain myself on the holidays. I'd see the food, eat a bit and stop. But not this year. That cherry pie in the fridge? Gone. The left over Christmas ham? Gone. The "Beers of the World" I got for Christmas? Gone. (Don't regret that one so much. Some damn good beer in there.) Those quesadilla rolls and mozzarella sticks left over from New Years? Gone. And all of that adds up to a few extra pounds on the ol' temple here.

The rain didn't help much either. I did force myself on the trainer a few times, but I missed being out on the road. I had a week off work, and much of it was spent on the trainer. WTF is that about? Stupid weather.

But back to my original point. Now I'm older, slower, and fatter than when this blog started. Off the back, here I come!

Thank you, Cycling gods

2005-12-22T07:54:00.000-08:00

Apparently, the cycling gods heard my plea and decided to raise the temperature a bit for me. The next week, of which I have off work, will be in the mid to upper 70s every day. And not a 40 degree low in sight. All hail so-cal! I fart in the general direction of all of you that have to ride in the snow! So for the next week, it'll be all road rides (no damn trainer), in just shorts and jerseys. Ha!

Speaking of shorts and jerseys, a big F-U to my club who decided to go an change colors on me. A-holes. See, I bought a new helmet last year and it matched the club colors for the last four years perfectly. Then they go and change. Since I just spent way-too-much on a bike, the mismatched helmet will have to stay. Hopefully I'll never put it to use anyhow. And now that I'm old and fat, hopefully the races will be less dangerous. I don't remember the masters crashing nearly as much as us (former) young guns used to. I guess when everyone has to go to work on Monday you take less chances.

Brrrrr!

2005-12-19T12:04:00.000-08:00

I don't know how you damn east coaster's do it. Seriously. It was 42 degress when I left for each of my rides these past two mornings and I was bitching like a kangaroo with no pouch. So damn cold. My ears hurt, my nose hurt, my toes hurt, everything. It was nice by the end of the ride - near 60 - but still. I gotta move to a tropical destination with lots of hills. Hawaii sounds good. Do they have a good racing scene?

Real life crawled up my butt and died

2005-12-15T08:47:00.000-08:00

As you can imagine, that makes one a little grumpy. Between a new job, a new house, and lack of sleep, I've probably not been the nicest person to be around. Couple that with a lack of time of the bike - my one release - and I've been a downright A-hole. Just ask my wife.

A new job drains you. Trying to make a good impression and do the right thing is never easy. Tougher still is trying to find out exactly what it is people want you to do. Still, a paycheck every two weeks is pretty nice. It'll help pay for the way-too-expensive bike I just conned the little lady into letting me buy.

And I'm moving. Have you moved before? I'll assume you have and that I don't need to tell you how much it SUCKS. Packing sucks. Moving the crap sucks. Unpacking sucks. And for some reason, everything needs to be washed before we pack ("We're not moving dirt!") and after we unpack ("It's been in those dirty boxes - disgusting!"). If it's gonna get dirty in the box, why did we wash it to begin with? I'm still trying to figure that one out, to no avail. I promise you this. I'm not moving again for years. Really this time.

What a craptastic weekend

2005-12-12T14:50:00.000-08:00

Saturday - dropped.

Sunday - dropped.

Sunday night - drunk.

Well, that about covers it. Not a stellar weekend. The week off the bike and the stone legs from sitting six hours each way on a plane probably had something to do with it. More than anything else, though, it makes a great excuse.

Time to hit the trainer hard again this week, numb nuts and all. I don't know about where you live, but you'd think here in So Cal, you could buy a fan pretty much any time of the year. As you know, a fan is a must when riding the torture device known as a trainer. I don't have a fan. I need one. Nobody sells em in the winter. Not Target, Lowe's, Home Depot, Walmart, nobody. What the hell. So, I suffer, sweat, and bitch like a girl when riding it. So be it.

If you know where I can buy a fan this time of year, let me know!

Bad things come in threes

2005-12-08T13:21:00.000-08:00

As in a three hour delay at the airport. On the way back from Philly (where it snowed on me, dammit) we were stuck on the airplane for three hours while the maintenance crew fixed a mechanical problem.

Okay. First off, don't tell me my plane has a mechanical problem and then take me 30,000 feet up in it. Not cool. Then, if it does have a problem, why wait until 200 of us are on board before fixing it? Why not fix it when I'm in the airport and can grab a beer and a bite to eat? And to top it off, if you do make me sit in the cramped airplane seat in the gate for three hours, don't make me pay for my snack! Bite me, Northwest.

When I got home, however, good things came in threes. Three Newcastle Brown Ales, specifically. Today after work should be my first day back on the bike... well trainer that is. I'm looking forward to actually getting some road miles in, but that will have to wait till the weekend. So, it'll be another grouping of three tonight - three hours on the trainer. Is that good or bad?

Philly

2005-12-02T09:22:00.000-08:00

Bleh.

Five hours in the air, and no bike for the weekend. Even if I were bringing a bike, I sure as hell don't wanna ride where the high is 35 or 40 or whatever. I bitch when it's 50 in the early morning when I leave. Bleh.

Well, at least I'll get a good cheesesteak - or that's what I'm told. I figure I'll put on a few pounds between the fat food and beer. But that good 'ol torture machine, the CycleOps, will take it off in the evenings when I get back, I'm sure.

Ok, until I'm back,
Fatty Out

Decisions

2005-11-27T18:02:00.000-08:00

You know those times when you have to make a choice, but both outcomes will suck? Well, today was one of those days. Outside, it was windy as all hell. 15-20 mph winds with gusts more than that. Inside was the CycleOps. A trainer ride. The lesser of two evils was the wind. And let me tell you: I was the man for about an hour and thirty mintues. 28mph with very little effort. Then for the next two hours and fifteen minutes, life sucked some hairy ones.

Dear Mr. Wind,

From now on, will you please give me a tail wind on the way home instead of on the way out? Much appreciated.

Thanks!

If you know Mr. Wind, please make sure you relay this message to him. It is important to me.
Thanks again.

The "Jan" Plan

2005-11-25T22:35:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving was yesterday. That means for a few days, I'm on the "Jan" training plan. You know- eat too much, get fat, and then make excuses come race time. I already have the fat part down, I just added to it with turkey, stuffing, and beer yesterday. I'm still working on excuses. Let me know if you have any.

Well, the little lady wanted to go to Islands on the way home from Thanksgiving festivities today, as if we didn't eat bad enough yesterday. I can tell you one thing I learned: don't do a trainer workout shortly after a basket of cheese fries. Not a good idea. In fact, I would recommend staying away from the cheese fries in general. From what people tell me, they aren't very good energy food. But what do I know? I'm old, fat, slow and out of shape. Maybe it's 'cause of a few years of cheese fry type eating.

Things that suck, part 2

2005-11-23T22:28:00.000-08:00

Things that suck, updated:

Wind
Trainers

Yep. Today was my first day of indoor training in years. I forgot how much it sucks. Back in the day, when I had no real job to speak of, training indoors happened if it was raining. And even then it was rare. Riding in the rain beats training indoors.

But, now that I'm old and fat and have a real job, there's no time to ride during daylight hours. So I shelled out three bills for a new trainer and busted it out today. A few intervals and a few more buckets of sweat later, I had my workout for the day in.

Really, though, who am I to complain. It could be worse. At least I get to ride on the weekend and I don't live where it snows. Riding in the snow would really suck. Then you'd hear me bitch to no end. So to all of you who live where it snows, I say Thhhhhbbbbbbtt!

Decanio

2005-11-21T19:25:00.000-08:00

Okay... first off, no B.S. My boy Matt is nuts (in case you haven't seen it, www.stolenundergound.com) Having said that, you gotta give it up to him. He sacked up for what he believes in, which is more than most of us ever do, and it's caused him nothing but grief.

Did he go about getting his message out in the best possible way? Probably not. His over the top rants and accusations with seemingly little solid evidence have hurt his credibility with any mainstream media and have given his critics ammo to use against him. And use it they have, costing him a team last year.

Still though... all of you that are laughing at him don't have half the sack he has. More sanity? Maybe, maybe not. I haven't yet read your rants. You could be nuts too. And I don't know if you got a pair. Matt does.

And Matt, if you see this - fight on, but fight smart. People will listen to you if you listen to them sometimes too. If the most important thing to you is to get your message out and fight doping, do it in a way that people will be receptive to it. I want to belive this is what you want to do. If I'm wrong and you just wanna make noise...well then, I read you wrong.

Things that suck

2005-11-20T13:22:00.000-08:00

Things that I think suck, in no particular order:

Wind

Currently, that's about it. Dammit, it was windy today. Wind sucked when I wasn't old, fat, slow and out of shape. Now that I embody all those qualities, wind sucks even more.

On my way out, the wind ruled. I was flying and I felt like a champ. Then I saw the flags. Then I had to ride back home. Through a canyon. A canyon that funneled the wind right in my face. So, again, things that suck:

Wind

That is all.

So Cal and sore asses

2005-11-19T18:23:00.000-08:00

So Cal is a blessing and a curse. Great weather. No excuses on why I can't ride. So I guess I gotta get my fat ass up in the morning and ride. I guess it wouldn't be a comeback otherwise.

Found this today - here's some excuses on why you didn't ride today. Go here.

On another note, my ass is going to be sore as fuck tomorrow after today's first long ride.

Inhale! Hold it..... hold it...

And...... exhale.

Old, Fat, Slow, and Out of Shape

2005-11-19T09:47:00.000-08:00

Goddamn, I'm slow.

I used to be kinda fast. Of course, I used to not have a job. And my bike was worth more than my car. And I wasn't married. And I had no house. And for some damn reason, I miss those days.

So, against my better judgement and with some wifely opposition, I thought I'd take a shot at racing my bike again. Why, you ask? Hell if I know. It's not like I have the time. It's not like I'd have anything to gain. It's not like I want to crash. I just wanna ride.

You see, five years ago I woke up, went for a ride, showered, played some video games, then put in my shift at Blockbuster. Rinse and repeat. Then on the weekends, after weaseling out of a shift at the 'buster, I'd hit up Podunk Criterium and if I was lucky take home a tire prime or win enough cash to pay for the entry fee and gas on the way home. Most likely however, it'd just be the tire prime and some chump with "Mercury" or "Colorado Cyclist" on his chest would take any cash to be offered. Well, at least I didn't have to buy tires that month - that is if the tires didn't suck... which they probably did.

Then I got a job. The bike went on the wall and didn't come down. Then I got old. And fat. And slow. And out of shape. And here I am.

Which brings my back to my original point. Goddamn, I'm slow. I found that out this morning on my first group ride back. Old, fat, slow, out of shape, and dropped. Bastards.